6/19/22
11:30 pm
I just got home with Kayla from hanging out with some of her friends that invited us over for dinner. They made vegan nachos, and I ate a lot. They invited us a bit last minute. I wanted to hang out with them, and I knew if I did, I would eat the nachos. I’m trying to stay raw, but it’s really difficult when an opportunity to connect with friends comes up because I’ll almost always choose connection over any other goals I have in place.
Obviously, I could have just gone over there and spent time with everyone without eating cooked food, but when my girlfriend and all the friends around me are indulging and connecting over the food, I want to be a part of that experience too.
I have a calendar tracking the days when I eat raw and when I eat cooked. I put a checkmark on the days that I eat raw, and an X on the days I eat cooked. So I get another big X for the 3rd day in a row this month.
It feels a little sad because I wasn’t even craving cooked food. I could have easily gone the rest of the night eating light.
It’s also almost midnight, and I get up at 6am to go do Amazon deliveries at 8am for 10 hours in the summer sun, and I’m sure I won’t be feeling hydrated or rested or clean on the inside when I get up. I get more sluggish and sweat more and just feel more trashy overall when I eat heavy foods before bed.
Although I don’t thoroughly enjoy my job, I do feel a lot of gratitude that I don’t have someone managing me and looking over my shoulder all day and that I can listen to inspiring audiobooks and podcasts while I’m driving and getting paid.
I’m tired and concerned about the lack of sleep I’ll get tonight. I just want to be consistent with this blog. I keep trying to tell myself that I’m just doing this for myself and it doesn’t matter if anyone is into it or just thinks it’s boring, but I still always have this desire come up to make it impactful and entertaining.
It feels like a weak-ass post tonight, but at least I’m being consistent.
Goodnight.
Expression H 