6/21/22
10:40 pm
It’s Pride Month, and I’m going to the Tulsa Pride Festival with Kayla this weekend.
One of Kayla’s friends is over right now and they’ve been doing some fun crafty things like sewing and making outfits for Pride and sorting through a bunch of LGBTQ+ stickers.
They’re working on making me a rainbow crop top.
While I was doing Amazon deliveries the other day, I saw a small flag in someone’s yard that said “Love always wins.” My first thoughts were “Love doesn’t always win. Love never wins. There are no true winners in this endless game of life. Love never wins, it just keeps playing the game.”
The philosophy that I’m into right now is that there isn’t really anything other than this force called “Love,” which for me, makes the concept of love a bit meaningless. Everything is a quality of Love, which is pretty much the same as saying it has no unique qualities that separate it from anything else. You could say that “Love wins,” but what would it win against? Itself? The idea of anything winning or losing starts to fall apart.
I could name Love (The Universe/Existence) in so many ways, but some interesting names I like which have been a little inspired by psychedelics (especially LSD), are Evolution or The Organism. Basically, just an ever-evolving and self-exploring creature that needs to gather all information and experience regarding itself.
We’re like looping feedback systems sending pulses of info to the central processing system, which becomes informed and sends pulses back to us like a giant nervous system constantly giving feedback to and from every part.
No part of the system is in charge and knows everything about the whole. It’s all just a collaboration that depends on every part to learn and experience more.
I made a Facebook post about my thought the other day, which says, “Love never wins. It keeps playing the game.”
A friend on FB commented, saying, “Nothing more demanding than love wanting to grow to infinity.” I really liked that comment. I resonated with it and thought it was worth sharing.
Writing that last paragraph reminded me of and inspired me to share a poem that I wrote a while ago that I think goes with the theme of tonight’s post, so I’ll just say thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy the ending poem below!
Love is in the air, and it fills my lungs like a carcinogenic perfume.
Flowing out of my body through all my excess mucous and toxic secretions.
It’s a stain that just won’t come out, embarrassingly visible for everyone to see.
All my cells are sick on it, and there’s no remedy.
A debilitating life-long disease that swallows me whole without mercy.
It doesn’t have an agenda, and that’s why it’s impossible to get rid of.
I need it to want something and I need it to be something, and when I ask it for help, or to go the fuck away, it doesn’t respond. It only lets me keep living as I am.
Silent and unaware of itself other than through me, Love is inside of me, and it’s crushingly stable.
Love is what will spread throughout my failing organs and slither into my brain and kill me,
and it’s what will provide me with fresh new ones so it can keep living through me forever,
like the most evolved and sophisticated parasite ever to exist.
I’m just a karmically immortal host with no real purpose other than to forever carry the essence of Love in my perfectly constructed and suitable DNA as it permeates itself to every light-filled and dark crevice of my mind and The Universe.
Expression H 