Blogging Hyatt – 9

Too content to be of service.
I’m craving the hardship and joylessness that propels me into creating something beautiful and meaningful.
When all my needs are taken care of, I feel the potential for greatness fleeing me.
A comfortable life is such a wonderful privilege, and yet it feels like such a tragedy for me.
Too cozy and overindulgent.
Convenience is all around me, and I can’t stop from destroying myself with it.

I’m afraid to do anything because I want my life to mean something, and what if I make the wrong choice and blow it?
Wanting my life to have meaning feels like a plague in my DNA.
It’s so difficult being a creature with the ability to see its own potential.

Trying to self-realize.
Trying to become closer to God by realizing myself out of this moment… until I find that there’s nothing to realize and nothing to actualize into.
God is me right now; pure – raw – shockingly ordinary.
My heart beating, my tooth aching, my vast longing with no object at the end of it.
Here I am – complete.
It can suck to be whole in every moment; to know that no matter how broken I feel, it doesn’t need fixing.
It’s torturous.
Nothing can save me from being totally alive and connected.

Honoring the fear in me that wants to latch on and cling.

Honoring the love in me that wants to let go and flow.

Honoring the emptiness in me that wants to be filled.

Honoring the fullness in me that wants to spill over.

It’s all okay because I don’t actually know what it means to not be okay.

Everything is in this together
Whole and complete forever
Everything needs an opposite in order to be treasured
I am your spawn, your neighbor, and all your ancestors
The galactic indigenous, explorer, and settler
I’ll keep meeting you out there in the timeless nowhere where all things grow and fester
We’ll find another spacesuit and spaceship to ride through the body of God in another cosmic endeavor
Finding the edges of love and fear, and mastering all the existential terrain and weather
And if it’s all too vast to be fully discovered
At least we’ll have laughed and cried and yelled with one another
And marvel at how we can experience everything life has to offer and still be childlike beginners
If you all keep continuing to come with me, then I’m always up for one more adventure