Exploring Awareness & Beingness

Life is a paradox. All opposites are equally true and false at the same time. They are the same substance; two sides of the same coin that create one another. You cannot have positivity without in the same exact moment creating negativity.

If all is love, then the best characteristics I can use to describe it in this moment is unbiased, unconditional acceptance; a sort of lighthearted neutralness; a parent that only wants you to grow into what you are without influencing your decision.
This is so, only if love is in fact all things. I don’t actually know if that’s true, or what love actually is. People try to box love in, but if love is everything, then it essentially loses all intrinsic value or definition and love becomes whatever you make it out to be.

God seems to be pure awareness/psyche. No true body, and nothing to compare itself to other than its own imagination of what “other” things could be. Mind creates body and emotions and sensations, but where did Mind come from? From Spirit? Darkness? The Tao? God is Psyche, and Psyche seems quite clueless to its origins. Was there anything before Psyche? Has there always been self-awareness, or did awareness spring into itself suddenly and spontaneously? It seems that The Tao is possibly pure unconscious “being”. Beingness has always been. Consciousness, I assume, emerged somehow, but the development of any self-aware being, let alone the first/only self-aware being ever (awareness itself), is such a puzzle. Awareness has searched infinitely high and low, near and far, then and there for its origins, and still continues to search, and is yet to find anything. Maybe it has found it, and it is just discontent with what it has found or possibly always known and is trying to hide itself from the truth. So, the great question for me now has become, did Beingness create Awareness? How did Beingness become aware of itself? Were there already moving parts and structures before awareness? Or was it more like blank, dark nothingness, and only when Mind popped into existence were “things’ created/imagined?

Beingness is the farthest place that I can trace back to with my mind at this moment. Beingness seems to be the “highest order” of existence, which seems to be no order at all. Not to say that it’s chaos, I believe Beingness is beyond either of those things. No care, no judgment, no opinion, no bias, no thought. It’s as close to “nothingness” as you can get (at least as close to it as my imagination can currently conceive). Beingness is beyond knowing, beyond creation, beyond psychic capabilities, beyond experiencing, beyond awareness. All these ideas and characteristics are pure child-like delusions, self-deceptions, and dualistic when stacked up against Beingness. Awareness of any kind, even at the “highest levels” possible, is still, by definition, dualistic. Even if there are no rational thoughts or ideas to the beginning stages of infantile awareness, there are still dual activities that must be happening in order for awareness to be aware of anything. There must be moving parts, there must be certain nuances of energies at play in order for pure noticing to be able to notice anything, at least this seems to be the only possibility within my mind. Pure Beingness is incapable of noticing. Once Beingness notices something, it then becomes Awareness and is split into parts. Beingness seems to be the stable, undying, container that forever sleeps in a blank void to be used as a safe container for Awareness to go wild with exploring itself. Beingness is an eternally sleeping giant without dreams, cognition, or sensation.

It seems, though, that Awareness wants to understand and somehow merge, at least to some degree, with Beingness, as this is where it likely thinks it came from. Beingness seems to almost be like the father, as it seems to be the primal, original state, though I still believe that Beingness and Awareness are essentially the same creature. But when a part of yourself becomes aware of itself, is there a way to then become unaware of yourself again, or are you stuck in a loop of eternal awareness that you can never escape? Doomed, in a sense, to be part of the expansion and evolution of Awareness forever?

I’m extremely excited and grateful for the existence of both Self-Awareness and pure Beingness. I like both, I enjoy (at least the concept) of both. I believe that I’ve experienced the power and potential of both to some tiny degree, and I believe that they are both possible for us living creatures of The Great Psyche. I imagine that we would not want to experience either one for an eternity. I’m glad we can catch glimpses of the wonder, profundity, and beauty of both. I’m quite happy with the mystery and my love of deep exploration. Even writing this page out to myself, I’ve made new discoveries and inspired more curiosity within myself. I thank existence and myself and all of you for the opportunity to be here.