Blood boiling like the water cooking my sweet potatoes
Mind racing like the passing sirens down the street
Nerve cells frying from all the caffeine
A peaceful night turned sour with too much worry
A wonder and a tragedy to be alive and conscious
It feels as though nearly everything is wrong, yet I’m nearly sure that I’m fine
If I die a broken homeless man with rotten teeth and no friends, I guess it’s all the same
I imagine God has a plan, and I imagine I am not necessary for its fulfillment
Watch my life unfold in all the ways I don’t want it to
Caught in the web of life and society
My nervous system tugs on yours, and yours tugs on mine
No escaping the interconnectedness
I am moved to the point of crippled self-confidence and suicide by our silly, made-up human beliefs and culture
None of it is real, but it doesn’t matter to the social animal inside me
At the mercy of the herd
I could try to fight it, but I don’t want to be kicked out of the human game
Letting my life be controlled by everything around me
Fighting back isn’t the right answer
Giving up isn’t the right answer
It’s some bullshit in-between thing that I’m too exhausted to tightrope-walk on in order to be a decent and well-deserved person
Addicted to the extremes
I fear for my potential children that I desire so much
For all the love, wonder, and play, they are also guaranteed trauma and hell
It’s not always worth it, and it’s hard to carry the responsibility of that gamble with a living being
Or maybe I just dwell on unnecessary shit too much
It often feels as though my gift to the world is just morbid, depressing writing
You’re welcome
Hope you enjoyed the evening thought train
Expression H 